Addressing Others for a Break Up

​

This is a variation of addressing others that I have created for a client going through a break up who is having a hard time letting go of their ex. During the consultation, find out:

• Why the relationship ended

• Why the client feels the other person is not a good choice for them

• What they liked about the person

• What they didn’t like about the person

 

Steps:

1. Reference the relationship and remind the client of why it is not viable

2. Bring into their mind an inanimate version of their ex. Set up that they are going to be a polite audience and receive what the client has to say

3. Get the client to say good bye to all of the things they liked about the person and relationship

4. Get the client to say good bye to all of the things they didn’t like about the person and relationship

5. Get the client to say good bye to all of the hopes, goals and dreams they had about this person and relationship

6. Get the client to say good bye to all of the commitments and agreements they made to the other person

7. Get the client to tell the other person they are released from their commitments and agreements

8. Tell the client they can say anything else that they want to

9. Give the client the option of hearing back anything they want to hear back

10. Get the client to cut the cord with the other person and let them go

11. Follow up with suggestions relevant to the goal

 

Script:

We have been discussing how you have been having a hard time letting go of your ex. So in this session we are going to do an exercise to help you let go of them. You told me that the relationship is not viable because (why they broke up, things they don’t like about the ex) but sometimes we understand this intellectually but can still have an emotional connection to them. But as a result of reminding your SC of what makes this relationship not viable for you, you may just find that it is so much easier to move forward.

​

The SC is the emotional mind and it operates 90-95 of your behavior. By taking some time to speak to your SC about this person, by doing this exercise, you will find you can let them go far more easily.

So, I would like you to imagine in the space in your mind, a paused, inanimate version of your ex. They are simply standing there ready to be a polite audience to you. They are not going to say anything or do anything. They are simply going to receive what you are saying.

​

Let me know when you have your ex in your mind. You might see them, think them or feel them but nod when they are there. (wait)

​

Good. Now when we get involved with someone there are always things we like about that person or that relationship. In a moment, I am going to be quiet and, in the quite time, I would like you to, privately in your own mind, take the opportunity to say goodbye to all of the things you liked about this person and your relationship with them. Maybe you say goodbye to (what you know the client liked). Saying goodbye doesn’t mean you won’t find those qualities in another person. it just means you are saying goodbye to needing this person to provide them. So go ahead and say goodbye to the things you liked and when you have had a chance to do so let me know with a nod. (wait)

​

Good. Now I am going to give you an opportunity to say good bye to the things you didn’t like about them or about the relationship. Maybe you say goodbye to (what client has mentioned), maybe other things come to mind. Take as much time as you need to say goodbye to those things and let me know with a nod when that step is complete.

​

Good. When we get involved with someone we have all kinds of hopes, dreams, goals, even fantasies about what we think we are going to achieve with that person or what the relationship will bring (mention some client has mentioned. Ex. Having a baby, growing old together, building a life together, buying a home, traveling etc). And sometimes when we have a hard time letting go it’s because we don’t want to let go of those dreams and goals and fantasies. So, saying goodbye to them now doesn’t mean that you can’t still achieve them. It just means you are no longer looking to this person or to this relationship to be the source of them. So, take some time to say goodbye to the hopes, dreams, goals, fantasies and when you have been able to do so and you are ready to move on,. Let me know with a nod. (wait)

​

When we get involved with someone, we make commitments and agreements. They may be spoken or unspoken. We might agree to be faithful, to remain together until we die, we might agree to support or provide for someone. So the next step is to say goodbye to all of the agreements and commitments that you made to this person. Let them know that with the end of this relationship, you will no longer be upholding those agreements. Give me a nod when that step is done (wait)

​

Now go back and let the other person know that you will no longer be requiring them to uphold the agreements and commitments they made to you. Give me a nod when that is done (wait)

​

Now if there is anything else you would like to say goodbye to or anything else you want to say to this person, go ahead and do so. When you feel ready to move on, let me know (wait)

​

Option: give them a  chance to hear back from the other person whatever they need to hear back to move on

​

If you want to, I am going to give you the option to hear back from them. Now it may or may not be what they would have said in real life, but it will be whatever you need to hear to move forward. Maybe you need to hear (mention things client has said) or maybe there is something else. But if you want to, go ahead and hear back from them. Or maybe you would rather not. It is up to you. Let me know with a nod when you are ready to move forward.

​

 

Now imagine that you can look down and connecting the two of you is a cord or ribbon of some kind. And this connection represents the connection that has existed between you. Maybe you get a sense of what it represents for you. And I would like you to find some way to disconnect that cord. And as you do so you are freeing yourself from any bonds that once existed so that you can take forward any of the lessons (and positive experiences ) without any of the negative lingering for you. So let me know with a nod when that connection is let go.

​

Good for you. Now find a way to let your ex go. Maybe you just let him/her fade from your mind. In whatever way makes sense to you, just let _______go.  And when _______ is gone and it is only you in your space once again, let me know with a nod of your head.

(follow up with suggestions relevant to the goal)